I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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