Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize