It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
