I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
