I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
