He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
