i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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