i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
