Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
