Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
