She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
