Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
