I molested 6 butterflies tonight
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
