my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
