Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I still have a little drunk in my system
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
