I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
