Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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