Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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