dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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