If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
