we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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