I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
