Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
