PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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