hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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