If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize