help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
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to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
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I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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