I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she pinky promised me she was 18
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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