Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
