You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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