i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
