Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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