I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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