Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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