you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
