i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
