i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
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They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.