It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
