their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
