Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
