Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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