Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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