omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you win again, gameday.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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