First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
