yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
