I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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