I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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