i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
