i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
