Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
