Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
