Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Houston, we have a blender
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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