She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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