so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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