dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
