Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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