hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
