Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
