it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
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With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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