he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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