Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
