8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
is wine microwaveable?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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