I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
