it wasn't lemon gatorade
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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