Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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