everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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