His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
