I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
