The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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