whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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