i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
