can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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