shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
