my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
